


Full Circle

by VulpusTumultum



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 06:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3518099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulpusTumultum/pseuds/VulpusTumultum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen deals with memories from the Ferelden Circle- his new life with Inquisitor Lavellan has some similarities to the past.</p><p>And thank the Maker she's ok with hearing stories of old flames. REALLY old flames.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full Circle

_Cullen was in the Ferelden tower again, but not suffering the pain and abominations trying to claw at him, not feeling Uldred's spells and hearing his cruel laughter._

_Instead he was in the Harrowing chamber, his first time there, watched by older Templars and mages as he watched the apprentice there, and watched the candle burn down._

**_ If the wax hit that final pin, he would have to kill her as her body lay sleeping. Defenseless. _ **

**_ If what woke up was not her, he would have to kill.. IT. And it might still look like her. _ **

_ Black hair, pale skin, polite and never showing fear or worse, when looking at a young Templar- she had been so beautiful to him at the time, he had been all awkwardness, rattled young adulthood, and yes- knowing it was forbidden might have made it more tempting... _

_And then he was in that cage of magic, aching and bleeding, bruised inside and out, and she was back in the Tower. She said his name, sounding glad he was alive, but he knew so much surely was because of him and how he'd had such a failure in his heart and resolve-_

_ In the dream, she became a blood mage, and summoned a demon, instead of being the one who killed them and freed him-- _

 

He woke, sitting up even before eyes fully opened, sweating again. Dark hair and pale skin beside him, stirring and an arm moving to pull him close. He leaned into her, and she sat up to hold him better, rescuing him. Sayvri, the mage he loved now, her robes on the floor by the bed. Her bed tonight, not his- they had come from the war room, where.. oh yes, Leliana had handed her a message from the Hero of Ferelden.

“Cullen?” her voice was coaxing, offering to let him speak and bleed any poisons out little by little. He hesitated, unsure if those memories were ones that should be gone over, but- black hair, pale skin, a mage beside him, and he knew, another former Templar beside the Hero..

He hadn't thought about it before, and now it made him suddenly laugh, startling his lover. Not a strong laugh, a weak, tired one, but still not the usual result of dreams.

“I.. memories, and a thought, love. I knew the Hero, when she was... an apprentice at the Ferelden Circle. Apprentice Amell. And then, of course, she was the one that ended the... ended things there. Saved the First Enchanter.”

“And also saved you, then,” she stroked fingers through his hair.

“...Yes. And I was not very grateful. I could not trust even her anymore, I was afraid that some she'd saved were really lost, that she had been foolish yet again, or even that she was not what she'd seemed either.”

He laughed nervously, painful memories percolating up, but at least now he was awake to really examine them.

“I blamed her as much as myself for what happened to me, and when she first appeared after I had been tortured, I thought she was a demon, because I had been infatuated with her. I.. think I have remained guilty over that for most of the years since. Thinking I had been weak, and wanting to believe she had been a temptress.”

He suddenly trailed off, realizing that he was talking about infatuations of his youth with the woman he loved now. (Always.)

But Sayvri continued to hold him, encouragingly, no judgments made against him, and he told her more, a bit hesitant at times, but she wanted to know what had happened there- so he told her of watching Amell... Eirys' Harrowing as the first that had been his responsibility, and how she'd been conscripted by the visiting Warden when otherwise she might have been made Tranquil for aiding an apprentice's escape. How even that had made him feel betrayed at the time, being so.. well, young.

Now, of course, he understood more- that he likely had been assigned to her Harrowing because the Knight Commander knew of that.. crush. That had really been all it was, and they wanted to be certain he wouldn't choose her over duty, like she later chose her friend over the rules she knew all too well.

And she'd treated him like.. an old friend that she'd been concerned about, when she'd returned during the rebellion and found him there. Not like one of the Templars who'd nearly made her tranquil, or even like a fool who'd hardly been able to speak coherently around her. And he'd resented her for it- and at the same time resented the other Warden, who'd hovered at her side, and scowled as she'd- oh yes, she'd hugged him when she left the tower that final time.

Sayvri laughed softly, “So your first attraction was to a mage, and hers to a Templar.. and now again for you a mage, and she remains with King Allistair- the former Templar.”

“You are far more than an infatuation-” her lips quieted his anxious clarification. A soft, loving, kiss.

“I know, but I appreciate the possible divine joke, none the less- and can hardly be insulted by any comparisons to the Hero of Ferelden in any case. And now you feel better?”

“Yes,” he breathed in slowly and moved to lie down again, with her following to curl against him and watch him a he slowly fell back into sleep.

Amell had saved his life, Sayvri Lavellan was giving him a new one.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I played the DA games in completely backwards order, and had too much fun deliberately making a human mage that bore some resemblance to my DA:I lady mage Lavellan just to torment Origins!Cullen and make him stutter and flail. So of course I just eventually wanted to write something to follow up on my whispered promise to Origins!Cullen that "It's all gonna be okay in the future, little Templar, I PROMISE, she's a super nice mage and wants to save the world. No blood magic!" 
> 
> Yes, I actually whispered that to my monitor.
> 
> Yes, I'm a dork.


End file.
